Saturday, November 10, 2007

Shitty Movie Review

New York Times review of "Fred Claus"

Not a "review of a shitty movie," although that is also undoubtedly the case. Manohla Dargis trashes the movie, sure, but spends about 1/2 the review acting as though this movie were a waste of talent.

Mainly it's a lackadaisical mess, though one graced with welcome talent, including Paul Giamatti and Miranda Richardson. (Here's hoping these indie stalwarts pocketed decent studio checks for keeping their gifts in idle.)

Let's look at the facts here. Paul Giamatti has been in the following movies:
  • Shoot 'em Up (an action film bomb with Clive Owen and Monica Bellucci)
  • The Nannie Diaries
  • Lady in the Water (the most recent M. Night Shyamalan film, starring in which puts Mr. Giamatti in a class with Bruce Willis and Mel Gibson)
  • The Ant Bully (a computer-animation bomb that made back less than half its $50 million budget)
  • Cinderella Man (a film so uninteresting to the public that the studio offered to PAY audiences their money back if they were dissatisfied)
The only reason, then, that Paul Giamatti is not the biggest name in Hollywood, its biggest star, the farthest thing possible from an "indie stalwart," is that EVERY MAJOR, BIG BUDGET FILM HE MAKES IS A COMPLETE DISASTER AND FLOP. His "successes" were in movies like Sideways, a film universally reviled by anyone who does not do all their shopping at Whole Foods, and American Splendor. But his list of embarrassments stretches back further than those successes: Storytelling, a masturbatory Todd Solondz film that no one liked; and an astonishing number of small parts on major blockbusters:
  • Big Momma's House
  • Saving Private Ryan
  • My Best Friend's Wedding
as well as some less-popular Hollywood fare:
  • Planet of the Apes (remake)
  • Donnie Brasco (a great film, but released in a February and so denied any Oscar glory)
  • Duets (a Gwenyth Paltrow vehicle with Huey Lewis)
That is to say, an honest appraisal of Paul Giamatti's career shows that he has been in almost more terrible films than any living person, excepting Angelina Jolie, that in his early career he was a mainstay of smaller roles in extremely big-budget films, and that after his success as the star of two "indie" movies, has continued to act in extremely large-budget films, only with zero success and (now) zero credibility.

Rather than saying, "I'm so surprised that this independent film stalwart, this rock of taste and integrity, Paul Giamatti, has sunk to starring in Fred Clause" (Dargis, paraphrased), what any reasonable person should say is, "I'm surprised this annoying character actor, having signed on to whatever project came his way for his entire career up to the present, an undiscriminating hack, should have happened to make two well-respected (but uninteresting, pretentious) independent films at some point in the early 2000s."

Thus, the most insulting part is *not* buying into the hype of Oscar-Winner Paul Giamatti, but:
  • believing there is anything noble about making garbage like Sideways or Storytelling
  • hoping that Paul Giamatti "pocketed [a] decent studio check" for his work here. THAT'S ALL HE DOES. He pockets decent studio checks like it was going out of style. The man was in the Frankie Muniz vehicle Big Fat Liar, for fuck's sake!

1 comment:

ETERNALLY YOURS said...

The only good film criticism I've read this year.